Need You

i dint update my blog for quite some days already...
due to emoing and stuffs...

so this is my latest update of myself and start from now i will update my blog every time i log in!!!



I smile to hide the hurt.
I laugh to chase away the tears.
But when u look into my eyes, you will see all my pains hidden there!!!

Sad

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me

And I wake to find that you're not there

The End of Jim Tan

sickness is attacking me from everyside...
first time went into hospital to drip water...
breathing difficulty , backbone pain, heart beat hardly in brain...

if i have the last 1/2/3 months of surviving...
i wont wish to do anything...
i will rather die now den later..
because what i wish to do have no enough time to let me start and finish!!!

i wish for not existed in this world will come true?

Hate you, Fuck you

Actually today is my babe come out of Hospital Perodua...
i call them up to check what time my car is ready...
5.30pm as promised i can collect my babe!!!

230-300pm i tell my dad...
Jim: pa...my car 530pm can go and collect...
Dad: so fast?let me call them up and check...
Jim: mind talking( fast? one month u call that fast?)
10mins later
Dad: lets go check on ur car...
Jim: wohoo!!!

reach there talk to that Insurance guy that handle my car...
Dad:En.Murni kenari anak saya boleh collect?
En.M:dah promise 5.30pm boss
Dad: u see...530 collect and u tell u can collect now? waste my time come here only..
Jim: WTH!!! i told u 530 and u turn the topic saying that i told u collect now?(Tahan)
Dad: anak saya cakap horn tu tak boleh pasang ke?
En.M: tak leh la boss...yang tu bukan standard perodua punya horn...kena hantar luar pasang...
bla bla bla...my dad and him talking all those nonsense...

3 of us go have a look on the car...
Dad: what is this cable about?
Jim: grounding cable la...to stable more earth charges!!!
Dad: what rubbish are u talking to me? u think i stupid? waste the money and put all this nonsense?
Jim: mind talking( FUCK U...what u know about upgrading and give benefits to a car...SHUT UP and kiss ur own fucking ass)

come collect tomorrow la...
i have to pay rm 1400...
this and that this and that....
in my dad's car talk about my car...
bla bla bla...
dulan here dulan there....
FUCK U!!!

my dad say that i have the most accident in the family history...
nah .!. eat this la...
first accident is pesona accident once...(radiator also)
2nd accident is my kenari( bang the stupid construction box)
3rd accident is my kenari( latest accident)

mine is just simple minor accident...
if u want me to dig the whole profile of each car...u will hear till u cant stop what im gonna say to u...
so what ...
i can have my kenari for life...
i dont mind using my kenari as i love her so much...
as i know first time u promise me to buy me a sport bike i also ignore it...
den u promise again to buy me a car if i take care of my car...(dont want to mention about this case)
i have no hope on listening to ur promises u want to make up!!!

since im so stupid and useless to u....
y the hell did u born me out?
y dont u just kill me ?

if i fail this term...
im gonna work for myself to own my own car get my own things that i wish before i die soon!!!
i dont give a dam if u want to stop me...
i rather die den see u all disturbing me...annoy me...scold me...beat me up...
i have had it...
if u know how to use the internet...i will surely post this up to the whole wide world..
i dont give a dam what u want to say...

last but not least....
FUCK U and eat this .!.

Enjoy True Facts!!!

Enjoy every second of your life with happiness because life cycle is like a storm which shows us no mercy and we shall respond in kind.


People think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one u value the most.
But.
Actually the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone so much!!!!

I can't erase u from my mind!!!

Existence

am i really living in reality?
i had enough of thinking that im not in this world after few weeks/days/hours/minutes/seconds....
i really wanna fit into the world...
can anyone notice me?
can that particular person bring me in to the real world?

Silent

when a person is silent ,

it doesnt means that the person didnt know about the fun and enjoyment ,

but it means that life has taught him some lessons which has made him silent.

Break Up poems

Poem 1

keep loving the person whom u love, even if they dnt respect ur feelings.
bcoz at the end of the day u'll have the satisfied feeling thats its not ur fault :'(

Poem 2

Sometimes I Just WonderWhy Do I Feel Sad
Whenever I Think Of U?

And I Realised That The Only
Time I'm Smiling Is Whenever
I Believed I Still Love U...

Poem 3

Once in a lifetime someone breaks your heart,
and if you still feel to hold that person with every broken piece,
that amazing pain is called

TRUE LOVE! =)

but my true love always reject me...

how am i gonna maintain this love?

arghh...

till today...i cant find me a suitable person!!!

Guide line pls!!!

His-story

wow...
not a single day i can be happy as i used to be..
every single day...
open up google chrome - facebook(as usual) - check updates- ex friends got plans/gathering- not invited-shut down - sick of remember high school/primary too...

yup...
im now in college life and car club life..
who give a dam on u primary and secondary school peoples..
dont even call me when u all need the same old me..
i will just ignore or reject the request u all ask me to...
not interested in what u all want from me...

who thinks im bad?
i dont think so...cause this is life and life have to be cruel sometimes...
OMG!!!
day by day emo-ing...
when can i stop this nonsense...
im so bored with it...
seriously..
till today no one can calm me down...
no one can put off a blazing fire..
i know no one out there can see what im trying to explain...
cause i dont wnat to show u my words that i have been hiding all this while..
no point of showing u all what i write in my blog...

now my life line is to study in college till the end and enjoy custom/mod my precious smart@idiot...

but still..
i need u...
i want u to be with me...
i dont mind what kind/beauty/size/hight or what so ever...
what i need is love...from the deep heart...

ArgHH!!!!
i cant stand it anymore...
FUCK Y'ALL who used me!!!

eat this .!.

Nah....maintainance?

yea right....

eat this la

.!.

(i love simple...no more complicated things...hahahaha...)

from that chi sin ppl pm in msn

FUCK u...go and do the job that u are suppose to do...

i dont think u are helping this team impact brighten up...

i dont give a dam to who are u...

since u got 2 boss to cover u right?

im gonna pour alot of rubbish to this forum till it closes down and no more team impact in this world...

dont believe?

wait and see...

Team Impact...i dont think u are gonna shine anymore..

as u know no one uses u as a chat place or update events and stuff...

waiting someone to sound out to the president or Vice president...

this team gonna die soon if they dont change the moderator of this nonsense rubbish...

Cheat and be positive

Whenever u lie or cheat de person who loves u dont think they are fools to believe u,

they hide their feelings bcoz they dont want to disappoint u.

Fading Away Emoly ^^

In life we sometimes feel that all doors r now closed for us.
If that happens in your life remember a closed door is not always locked..

Bored

Im really really really bored staying at home...
Why do i have to treat smart@idiot like that?
if i treat her nicely i might still can drive her around to the car accessories shop to update her...
i might even go to PSE to upgrade my flaming kit and sound system...
i can even find my new friends...as u all are reading this i must say i have less friends...
this is me..
living in a real world but the existence of me is not reveal...
y do they even born me out?
5 reason if who can answer this for them...

Why do u have to treat me like this?
im in total Innocent...
my mind is blank...
what i can think of is eat eat eat and eat...
and i cant even grow fat...
im so freaking upset about my life...
being control by my parents...
although after i join this car club and being a committee member with name cards shown them i got a life out there...
so...i have been out to events quite some time...OTT/UOTT/Auto show event...
come back earliest is 12am latest is 230am...
but not always like this...

sometimes i think that life out there is better...
but i dont know which to choose...
cause im not into work life yet...
i dont know the strategy of working/earn money yet...

im so so so in pain right now...
i wish someone can be with me to share out my feelings
so that i can be more relax...
too much things to think in my head...
i need to release out some...
can someone be with me?
to share out what i want to say out to my parents?
i really need that person...

i need SOMEONE!!!
>.<

Cry

It is better to cry than to be angry,
because anger hurts others while
tears flow silently threw the soul and
cleanses the heart..

Real Tears Are Not Those
That Fall From The Eyes
And Cover The Face..
But Those That Fall From The Heart
And Cover The Soul...

You Cannot Make Someone
Love You,
But You Can Make Yourslf
Someone Who Can Be Loved...

Old Love

don't go back to an old love no matter how strong it was before..

coz it's like reading the same book over and over again..

though you already know how it'll end.. :(

Halloween Mini Auto Show 2010

Venue:Segi College
Time: 6pm-12pm

Do enjoy the pics and vids!!!

Smart@Idiot

Today i had a bad choice of choosing which car to use!!!
The story begins...

Morning raining...
Dad: Yong Kit...dont drive ur kenari since u say its going to join for event...
YK: oh...den what car i use for today?
Dad: Ur hilux la...but not everyday!!!
YK: *look at dad one kind asking myself when u changed to be good?*oh ok lo...

9am fetch my bro to tuition...
go to anson's talk and pass things...
Balik...
mandi...pack the car...ready for deco for halloween event!!!
12pm...need to pass things to anson..
1230 pass to him dy den go pick up my bro from tuition at 1pm...
after that balik...
crawling traffic on jalan ampang to keramat...
after flamingo hotel...
infront of myvi(dunno what car) ebreak den continue moving...
STUPID MYVI ebreak dont want to move...
BANG!!!!!
smart@idiot cracked!!!

here is the pic!!!

Radiator fan, bumper, grill, both head lamp, front panel, one piston, bonnet,  etc(not sure yet)

all need to replace with a new one!!!

Poem to my Smart@Idiot!!!

Remember the good times we had spent together, and the beautiful future we had dreamy of

Smart@Idiot I never wanted to create a distance between us

Please let us bridge the gaps

It tears me up

I tried to hold on but it hurts too much

I tried to forgive but it's not enough

To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

Lee Hom 王力宏 你不知道的事 Medley cover - B.E.C

living in a complicated life!!!
Am I really existed in this world?
can anyone see me?
can anyone feel me?
can anyone understand what im going through?
im really in the sad mood everyday...
who can bring me back to life?
who is the one that wont leave me no matter what?

Upgrade stage 1

Poison by akira's flaming kit..
Ask anson wad to do about my car to do that Flame...
so anson ask me to change my milo tin to Mid Box and change a muffler tip style...
this is the pic of my kenari bottom(uncensored)...XD

Milo Tin

Potong already...

Replace with a Mid BOX

Flat mouth Muffler Tip

After this...starts with the Flame Kit project...

Project Flame Kit I

Project Flame Kit II

Life and Realize

Someone said to God, 

"I hate life"

God replied,
"Who asked u to love life?
Just love the person who loves u and life will be beautiful on its own"... .)

to let someone realise your importance try to stay away so they miss you...

but don't stay for such along time that they learn how to live without you!!!

Mist!

It was the car teams event...
all kinds of team were there...
dint get few pics of it as my camera is in the car!!!
LOL!!!

den after that me and edison worry about the babies crying to get few pics...
so we ran to our car and get it...
terus masuk tangkap gambar!!!

ENJOY!!!

Ten10Ten

The date of the day + my big sis wedding day...
will update after the wedding event...
WOHOO!!!
pls Tune in!!!
wakakakkaka

The Big Day...

erm....too much picture...
whoever read this blog want to see the pics pls go to my facebook!!!
http://www.facebook.com/Smart2Idiot

FUCK YOU!!!

Fuck You!!!

I see you driving ’round town
With the girl I love and I’m like
“Fuck you!”
Ooo ooo oooo
I guess the change in my pocket
Wasn’t enough I’m like
“Fuck you!
and fuck her too.”

I said
“if I was richer I’d still be with ya”
Ha now ain’t that some shit?
(ain’t that some shit?)
And although there’s pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a…
“Fuck you!”
Ooo ooo oooo


Yeah I’m sorry I can’t afford a Ferrari
But that don’t mean I can’t get you there.
I guess he’s an X-box and I’m more Atari
But the way you play your game ain’t fair.

I pity the fool
that falls in love with you
(oh shit she’s a gold digger)
Well
(just thought you should know nigga)
Oooooooooooooooooooh
I’ve got some news for you.
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend.

(Chorus)

Now I know that I had to borrow
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
‘Cause being in love with you ass ain’t cheap.


I pity the fool
that falls in love with you
(oh shit she’s a gold digger)
Well
(just thought you should know nigga)
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh
I’ve got some news for you
Ooh! I really hate your ass right now.

(Chorus)

Now baby baby baby
why d’you wanna wanna hurt me so bad?
(so bad so bad so bad)
I tried to tell my mama but she told me
“this is one for your dad”
(your dad your dad your dad)
Uh! Why? Uh! Why? Uh!
Why lady?
Oh!
I love you oh!
I still love you.
Oooh!

Just cant be wipe off easily!!!

你不知道的事

蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行

夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地

我飞行 但你坠落之际

很靠近 还听见呼吸

对不起 我却没捉紧你

你不知道我为什么离开你

我坚持不能说放任你哭泣

你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨

碎了满地 在心里清晰

你不知道我为什么狠下心

盘旋在你看不见的高空里

多的是 你不知道的事

蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行

夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地

我飞行 但你坠落之际

很靠近 还听见呼吸

对不起 我却没捉紧你

你不知道我为什么离开你

我坚持不能说放任你哭泣

你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨

碎了满地 在心里清晰

你不知道我为什么狠下心

盘旋在你看不见的高空里

多的是 你不知道的事

我飞行 但你坠落之际

你不知道我为什么离开你

我坚持不能说放任你哭泣

你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨

碎了满地 在心里清晰

你不知道我为什么狠下心

盘旋在你看不见的高空里

多的是 你不知道的事

011010

When HIDDEN PERSON tell me she have been robbed...

i was shock and i worry for myself also...as something is going to happen to the same person with the same date!!!

So as i worry for myself also...

i pack my DSLR for tonight TT 

i saw my display screen cracked as shown below!!!

Den i call back HIDDEN PERSON and tell it happen to me as well...

but not so serious...

luckily its just the display screen...

Den 930pm went to TT with team impact 

and have been promoted to Event Crew committee...

changing to TI shirt...

ready for TT

Joan a.k.a. luvfeelin & Kent Gor

the committee table

akira and ason debezt sticker

Got alot of mosquito...tak tahan!!!

Team Impact...

The End

Ytd i had a great shock when i saw HER status was change to single...
everyone of HER friends supports her to break up...
and SHE dint even tell me she wants to break up yet...

Until i notice...
it was too late...
but i haven agree to break up with her...
so i say to myself...
ur reputation end here, everyone knows ur profiles now...
who will never talk bad about u to the world?
tell me who?
but GOD knows about before everyone does...

so i dont have the time to call her up to ask...
as im bz with my house works and office works...

after work...
i try to call her...
cannot get to call her...(maybe engage)
call up her friend to tell her i need to speak to her...

5mins later

call her again...
talk to her and asked....
JIM: did i say i want to break up with u?y do u have to make everyone knows about it before i do?
HER: *silent like the nights fall...
JIM: so u want to make it official without telling right? its ok...i'll let u go...its ur choice i dont have the rights to stop u to love me...ur life...ur road... ur future...follow wad ur friend ask u to do so...as ur friend are helping u to love and unlove someone...
HER: do u still love me like u use to love me?
JIM: of cause...i told u once im in a relation...i will cherish every moment that i have...but when the time my family needs me i have to do as i told to do so...

very silent...only im doing the talking...
so i dont want to say everything...

Y cant a person/girl accept a working life guy?
izit so hard to be patient ?
so to u people/girl ,family are not important to u? wad they say u dont listen?
no right?u have to do as they tell u so because ur parents born u from day one and take care u from day 1 till the very end of it no matter wad...

i dint even tell U im having gastric pain , backbone pain and headache again due to the massive work im doing and less sleep...
i dint even tell u that i can only sleep for 3-4 hours and work for the rest of my time...
do u think i want to avoid u?
do u think i have the time to spend with u?
dint i tell u i will replace everything in this 2months to u when my course start?
y cant u just be patient for another 2 weeks?
or are u just desperate for love?
u need 24/7 attention and love?

Do anyone(include me) understand wad is love all about?
basic as i know is trust, honesty , courtesy, and patient...

In my words:

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. 

Love is a battle, love is a war love is a growing up.

love is not about talking every moment u did for the day...
not to talk about wad happen during u work or study time...

there are more to be learn...
but whats done is done...
things cant be back in shape when its already broken...
a glass drop on the floor...it separates... even if u can fix..there is a tiny hole that we cant see...
and wad we can see is the cracks that are visible...

Apologizing doesnt mean that you are wrong and the other is right.

It only means that you value the relationship much more than your ego.

im alone in the darkness now...

SHE dont understand the previous tittle UNSPEAKABLE!!!

wad can i do without her?

go on my life without her...

im so down now...

my hearts cant be fill with love or any other things...

back to square...

and im suffering so many sickness and pains and sheared heart...

luckily no one knows about my blog...

just few of u i have only...

ben..rainie..HIDDEN PERSON... and HER...

BEING NOT EXISTED I THE BEST I CAN DO!!! 

Massive Sick Day!!!

From morning 12am(if not mistaken)
back bone pain+gastric+ gas inside stomach(due to too much acid producing on the walls )
find some junk to eat...
chat with hidden person!!!
till 2am plus plus...
junk food finished...
go to bed...
sleep till next morning 6am...

(I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
"Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?")

bring the kids to school...
gastric pain again..
terus come home tidur again...
till 9 wake up drink protein shake and do work out...(like im getting bigger like that)LOL!!!

receive a msg from GRACE (tiru) using a wonderful english that i never seen before...
den i told the FAKE GRACE to back off and let me settle my relationship myself as im in relation with her..not the fake GRACE!

den be a driver from 10am till 8pm...
drive my sis to menara MAXIS to take her BB...

den while waiting...
i reply alot of things to GRACE phone...,but it seems that there is not a single reply given after i ask them to back off...or the word talk to my parents if u have all it takes that breaking up is the way to happiness...
waited quite sometime...
still no reply...
forget about it...

my sis called me to ask me have lunch with her as her BB is still updating...
when to pudu...makan 2 bowl of noodle...
the uncle was shock...
wakakakka...BIASA LA UNCLE!!!
go back to MENARA MAXIS take the phone balik office...
den start doing house work once reach home...

there is much more on the bottom but its not worth to read as is nothing to do with the special case...
thats all for the day..
thx for reading...
after 1 or 2 days this blog will be put as private blog...
ask me to approve whom wanna read about my blog...
will take one or two working days to approve Serious readers...

Be happy with what you have...while working for what you want...

Remember, a happy and successful life...begins with God and ends for God.

Unspeakable

Trying to express my extra feelings out...

and i dont know how to write it out but i can just think of some emo poems...

who can help me?

who can save me from my not existing life?

who can brighten up my path/road?

can anyone bring me along ?

i dont think so..

who notice im alive or existing in this world?

Am i even inlove or just trying to get someone to be with only?

who can give true love in this current status?

who can really understand my feelings?

how to find someone who is serious/mature?

im really in a lost...

guide me out of this road pls..

im scare...

i cant think of a thing to get out...

everything to me now is just a black place with not a single hole to spy to....

if anyone read this...

u can ignore...u can laugh...u can do wad ever u wan....

but one day...

u will have the same thing in ur mind when u are lost...

(FYI this is not a curse)

Love does not look at ur body or ur face

rather it

looks at ur heart!!!

Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love,how much you care. 

Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore.

A Wonderful saying .

Trying to forget someone you love is like

Trying to remember someone uve never met ..!!!

TT with Team Impact

Had a great time with Team Impact...
Yam cha at kluang station , Desa Park City around 1030++
Found out some new members...

The whole gang here,

Saga BLM (forget their names)

My Pink Garage...

Akira's ride(Marshal)

After that went to another place for TT...
but its a tomorrow morning...
around 12++
lol...
Mypinkgarage and the others are on the VVIP table...
they warn me about the NEMO(kelisa twin cam IDSI)
lol...
laugh like hell...
talk like hell..
joke like hell..
wakakakkaa....
lung also wanna drop off already...
there is more where it comes...
Update more soon!!!